WRITING IDEAS (Zuihitsu form)

 1.

     Seated in the back office watching those kids eat breakfast. I can’t remember what life was like when I was a kid. Most times, a part of me wishes I could be young again. Free, without any cares; and still taken care of by moman. 

2. 

     Moman’s been gone since 2019. That’s been five whole years. I told my therapist that it all seems unreal. Told my therapist, I didn’t think I’d properly processed any of my emotions surrounding moman’s transition. Intellectually, I know she isn’t here. That vacuum though…it never closes and there isn’t anything that can fill it (at least that’s what I believe). 

3.

     Vaguely remembering what life was like at 6110 Willow. That street where I grew up. We grew up in moman’s childhood home. I’m the only child who remembers Mémær (Moman’s mother). She was such a loveable woman. Such a pillar in our family. I often wonder what life would have been like if she hadn’t transitioned herself. 

*

Pacing these hotel floors tonight…watching the same hotel guest children going back and forth to the coffee stand. Powdered hot chocolate stains the white counter top. A part of me would like to run up to the front and shoo them away…

*

I ate a piece of chocolate so far.